we kids

i'm a kid
when i'm with you
you, a little less

you're a kid
i wanna teach you
make a collage
from your mess

your tears
my blood
your fucking pride
my years
your tongue
my fingertips
your smell
my lies
your hand
on my belly

we're kids
we're lying here
mad and
naked

what how

what? you fucked too hard or what?
he said. jokingly, of course.
fuck off! I said.
it’s weird. to talk like this,
with him. the way we are now.
hope you’re ok by now though
betrayal can be easy and sweet
when you’ve come to this stage
I’m not bleeding no more,
got my color back and all
that – if you’d like to call it a
betrayal at all

[recently I dragged a friend into
my grey area, its different shades
guess it made her dizzy
she didn’t get it, but who does?
“see, it’s not easy to love me,” I said.
“yet he passed it. completely.”
wasn’t easy. was crazy. completely.
“how? by setting you free?”
and that rose tattoo on his chest
sorry, Hun. gotta be stuck there
for the rest of your life!]

I am good, celebrating life at my own
British-radio-drama pace
I still love the same people dearly
love them again and again and again
I just ain’t in love with any of them
or anyone new in particular
flings and coffees (and a few smacks)
is all I can afford
this is still the time and place
I don’t belong

hey, about that ugly mattress, I said,
throw it away when I get home
he protested, saying that he and his
Belgian lady friend never did it there
oh, men! whatev, but

a whole new, nice bed is all I want
when I get home
all other things can wait
so what? and how?
this. this, my dears.

(not too) bad

after all, that wasn't all that bad
your frustration is not my problem
this morning,
despite those shitty things,
you did one thing just right

[when you whispered let it go in my ear
you didn't really listen, did you?

I forgave you. you're safe by me

how about that?

so much you've gotta learn -

again, it's none of my business]

it was

your arms
your hands
you took me
my skin

givin up under the blue blanket
like unborn babies

bad

this is just a rant
after something bad
no regret, well,
a little perhaps

after deciding to go bad
why could I not be the best of that?
how could I stand being
moderately bad?

I was bad
I couldn't make you bad enough
I should have
I have years and more ahead
what's of that?

what bad is
I don't feel bad
about your bad feeling
we were solos,
that time, bad ones

if I'm asked how I felt
it was down there
no fakes, honest!
my chest wasn't burning
but something else was
down there

too bad even that
you found bad

too bad I couldn't hide it
that, yes, you were bad
couldn't you stand it?

you were bad
I was bad, I wasn't bad enough
that was bad!

over

i am buried
with the old edition of you
at the bottom of
the log,

under the title
"you,
may blue"

yellowing

again, light a fire

summoning the winds
from four directions

fire dance time,
my friend
burn

this is ephemeral
this feeling
this is soon gonna be
ashes

fullness is never
death

burn-dance
the seduction of the flesh

have you ever got to know
Musashi?


Tuesday November 21, 2006 - 02:30am (CST)

as we were walking

my hand in yours,
we knew
no such thing
as truth or closure

we are wild
immeasureably
even when we cry

perhaps that's why
we needed dogs to
bark at us,
hands to slip,
water to fill in
our indecency
to stop running and
hold our breaths,
playing dead to fool
the dogs

we are wild,
obscenely wild,
so delicious in
the mouths

why nothing escaped me
as we walked,
your ego in my hand
fucking mine


Friday November 24, 2006 - 04:28pm (CST)

a sting of sadness

your suspicion
your story-telling mind
have got me hurt

but i'm taking all the blame
how often have i fed your head
with the wrong images of me
playing with them,
mixing them up, to the point
where the wrong became
somehow right

i wanted to see
if you'd crack

and you did,
of course you did
you were as weak as
i was

acting like cattle
breaking through the fences
whose teary eyes were there?

didn't matter
doesn't

we're left ashamed of
meaning-making
of having ever thought of
our gastronomical beings
to each other

we're strangers,
to make it all easier

with that i'll leave you


Friday December 1, 2006 - 07:44pm (CST)

of course not

what do you think about
Babel? how do you read
the balcony scene?
the naked girl and her father?
do you feel how i feel?

have you seen The Couple in the Cage?
does Coco Fusco fit the picture?
Is Gomez-Pena savage enough?
do you feel offended?
how do you read my grin?
do you feel how i feel?

now I assume you know Basquiat
what grains did he go against?
do you understand his resentment?
do you think he was an avant-gardist?
do you think he cared?
do you know why i think
the avant-guard is dead?

do you know the meaning of your
charity? your modern machinery?
can you stand Border Brujo?
drinking a bottle of Herbal Essence?
do you feel how i feel?

you are inside the white bus across the desert
i don't think you have the idea


Thursday December 28, 2006 - 02:08pm (CST)

wossername

you're holding yourself back
step out a bit
to see where you're at
how funny things are
contradictions
desperations
what for? 'til when?
but for who?

in the kitchen last night
we scaled love
but we never got it right
never do, do we?
nay, this isn't a kitchen-sink
theory, hell no

in the kitchen last night
there was fear of cultivating
thoughts of days going by,
unnoticed existence
how to defrost sighs?
miseries? resentment?

this is right in itself --
whatever we have is
a perfect apology as always
you walk away or
you stay put and wait
for a release
sway a bit perhaps?
we can do that

marriage? marriage.
my indoors nasal allergy

step out a bit
the air tickles
the back of your ears